Yes, it definitely IS complicated. Relationship, love, patience, emotions, decisions, commitments, promises, etc etc. Or am I just making it up as an excuse for myself to screw up my life? The title says it all, IT’S COMPLICATED™!

Big boys don’t cry, in contrast to Fergie’s title "Big Girls Don’t Cry". I’ve managed to gather all my sense and clarity left to figure out that I need more time to figure the whole complicated thing. Now besides the work I do day in day out, I’ve started to confine myself to solidarity, serenity and peace. Taking baby steps, one at a time. Maybe I was just taking things too fast during the past few roller-coaster years of life.

People say getting cold feet when a relationship comes to a point where marriage is all that’s left is normal. I’m really not too sure of that myself. I never was able to convince myself in this theory. But the void left in my life, has made me ask myself "Am I really that suitable for commitments, promises which will be expected to last for a lifetime?". I just feel like running away from everything I have now, but I would just be too afraid of the risk that I’d loose everything when I come back. I’m torn.

Yes this might be too complicated to be understood, but if you do understand, you will have already experienced how complicated it can be. Thanks for understanding!

想起来，这样的日子，好像在很遥远的以前了。我似乎，不再懂得如何一个人过日子。生活里有个无法填补的空洞，是我自己造成的。

想起Linkin Park的新歌，"What I’ve Done"，"What I’ve Done, I Face Myself"。现在，正学习如何面对，不会再逃避，不会再畏缩。也许这段日子，可以积极地“执正”（广东话）自己，让自己更有自信。也许会把自己升级，也许会做一些需要一个人的日子才可以做的事。这是一个人对自己的承诺。

不进则退，给事业，给爱情，都一样。我，在感情世界里，搁浅了。

曾以为自己可以毫不犹疑的付出给第一个、也以为是最后一个的女人，可是突然间发现原来自己也会同时爱上另一个。“It’s complicated!” 我Friendster 里的status是这么说的。所以我是复杂的、有问题的。

给不到承诺任何人，没有资格爱任何人。对着身边的女人，对着别人身边的女人，心猿意马的人，就要停止爱任何人，停止伤害任何人。所以，我选择离开。可现实还是紧贴着我，有些东西和人，不是说离开就可以离开的。唯有在夜阑人静的时候，面对愧疚和孤独，都是自找的麻烦和烦恼。我，搁浅了……