After 6 years since the last time I went to the movies alone, here I am at the cinemas, going for this movie alone, Transformers, which I have waited anxiously for the past 8 months. I’ve been scouring for people to accompany me for the past 2 weeks or so, but without any success.

So in the end, I had to resort to drastic measures, hence dating myself and only myself on this movie date. I really think this is rather pathetic.

After purchasing the ticket online, I went straight to the ticket collection counter and saw no one collecting tickets there but plenty of people around queueing up for tickets. 90% of them came with another person, the other 9.99% came with at least 2 persons. The remaining 0.01%, which includes me, came alone. I just don’t know how I could have came up with such a decision, but I had to go alone with it since I’m here already.

The process of walking into the cinema was rather embarassing as everybody has someone flanking them but I was kinda like an invisible entity drifting on its own into the cinema. Entering the cinema was like suddenly everybody looking at me thinking "MY GOD! Is this guy a freak coming to the movies alone?". It was as if I went into the cinema naked or something. The lights were on when I entered. They seem to be shone directly at me, not anywhere else but just me. I felt uneasy. I felt unnatural. Everybody around me was talking to each other, though the lost of attention did not make me any much at ease.

Then the lights went out and the screen pictures came on. I was sort of reliefed, blending myself into the surrounding darkness, really reliefed. During the whole course of the movie, I had to be very careful not to take over the shared seat handles as strangers sit at both sides. I had to resist the urge of familiarity thinking that I can take over either one side of it. I nearly forgot that I came alone, but I didn’t forget. Luckily I did enjoy the movie, with all the flashy CGs, plot and storyline. But then after nearly 3 hours of blending into darkness, the sudden of lights turning on at the end of the movie startled me, shoke me quite a bit. It was like I was put on stage naked again.

I took a quick move to walk alone, immediately towards the exit and then to the car park autopay machine. Walking alone was like some life reminder kept on reminding me that I’m alone, and lonely.

I was feeling like I myself humiliated myself in front of myself for one whole night. So I had to do something to reward myself. So I went for some strolling on the straight stretch on MRR2 going towards Sungai Buloh. I took myself to 160 KMpH. Didn’t make myself feel better, but at least the wind did make me think clearer enough to make me realize I was being followed by the death reaper itself.

I think, I just need to redefine "alone", in my current life. I felt like going home.