不知道是近几年的趋势还是一直以来都有而我迟钝没发觉，现在的都市男女似乎个个都多多少少有感情与关系的问题。不久前才听知己W的“似是而非”男友弃她而重投旧情人怀抱，今天又听知己E说上星期已和拍拖3个月、认识不到半年、成功说服她重新相信爱情的男友分手了，实在对自己好不容易建立起，对爱情的信心与期望，再一重击，尤其在这个时候，感情乱七八糟的时候。

问题出自双方，也许也是我心思不够细腻、分寸不懂拿捏的关系，爱情的可能性忽高时低、飘忽不定，完全掌握不到方向。是寂寞吗？是想找人陪吗？是想爱不敢爱？还是心想凭借爱情的重量，在瞬息万变的都市里寻找一个可以停下喘气的地方？我知道自己的方向，却也不禁顿时有点措手不及。忽然间，爱情好像是非常遥远、难以实现的东西。心与心的距离完全遥不可及，封闭的心拒绝敞开的心、敞开的心接受拒绝开始枯萎、变成封闭的心、又去拒绝其他敞开的心……一个人坐在漆黑的房间里、光亮的荧幕前，突然间心无比空洞、寂寞、无奈，感觉真的很累。我看，我也算是都市寂寞男女行列的一员而已，纵然都市的夜空宽敞，也留不住漂浮在云层的爱情。

It’s been 24hrs since the last time. Just a mere 24 little hours, and I’m starting to miss the time we had already. I know we don’t have much. I know we never had much. But I hope we WILL have more for the days to come.

I’m not desperate. I’m not in a hurry. I just wanna do things right, which for the fact, I may never have been doing things right all these while. Everyday, we just try so hard to wait and hope for that moment to come, longing for it, but when it comes, we just always tend to screw it up one way or another, don’t we? I’m sure lots of other people will agree with me. But this feeling of longing, I can’t really quite explain it, when in fact I’m the one suggesting to take it slow and steady. Really hate this feeling which is tearing me apart. Extra dosages of a-Phenyl-2-piperidineacetic acid methyl ester hydrochloride have not been able to keep this feeling of longing at bay.

To me, yesterday was amazingly pleasant. I don’t know why I’d rate it that way. But the feeling was just like, we connected! Just like hearing the connection handshaking noise from a modem or maybe that’s just me. It would be safe to say that because of this that it further reaffirms my longing.

Well for all of those who find my blog post a bit boring and hard to understand, I’m very sorry but this might very well mean that you are not the intended viewer They are really meant for those intended eyes only.

曾经问过很多人，“两个人坐在一起，如果都不说话，不觉得怪怪的吗？”综合许多人的回答，结果都说“没有话题，无声胜有声反而是最好的。”

最近开始有种感觉，就是觉得沉默凝在空中的感觉，也不知道是好还是坏。这种沉默，就像是凝在表层的豆奶，摆在外，接触空气太久了，似乎感觉是它不大新鲜了，开始坏了；让人禁不住又会想，才凝了个表层而已嘛，怎么会坏了呢？我就会有种不知所措的感觉，想喝又怕喝坏肚子，不喝又嫌有点浪费。

结果会告诉自己，“喝一点吧！就算喝坏肚子，也不至于会很严重！”哈！说了老半天还是好像不着边际似的。

也许自己真的不习惯沉默吧！总觉得，沉默对沟通是不好的。所以会想要打破凝起来的沉默，找不同的话题。但是好像越想打破沉默，它就像石膏般凝得更加稳固了，结果话题只出现一大堆没有答案的问题。是我还没触碰到激活钮，还是生活的现实已经将彼此的想象、天真或要求都磨掉了，还是有个我永远都不会知道的还是。虽然并不觉得灰心，却增添了少许的挫败感。也许，是我太心急而已，或者凝起来的沉默根本不是什么坏事呢？

这篇，实在有点太不着边际了。可是我还是相信该看的人一定会明白的，无论是说自己有多苯、多蠢，何况该看的人根本就不蠢。

Here I am, 6AM, at the LCCT, waiting for my flight to Bangkok on a work trip. Well this should be a time off period for something we have agreed on (though i’m not so sure if it is for her).

Boarding time is due in another 15mins, but I just wanna take time to write this. There is really not anything particular that i’m waiting in my life, just that right moment to come by, just like waiting for that flight. The exciting part of waiting in life is, you’ll never know when’s that right moment until it’s really happening before your eyes, and you’ll have to be ready for it.

Life for the past 6 months have shown me quite a lot of turning of corners and surprises, but I’ve yet to feel that "that" moment has come. I wonder if it’s gonna come in the near future. I know a lot of times expectations will come with disappointment, but I just can’t stop having expectations. Think I picked up the positive attitude already, I guess. I’ve changed, in numerous ways.

Now all I wanted to do is, to prepare myself, to be a better person everyday, and carefully anticipating for that right moment to come. Then I’ll be on my flight, to where I wanted to be (or to be with who I wanted to be).

It’s really been awhile since my last post. I’d say I’ve been really busy with life. Well anyway this is gonna be an all-words post though.

To talk about Valentine’s Day, I’d start with this: I have never ever really celebrated it before, until this 27th year of my life.

It is really my pleasure to have her companionship on this day. Well it was not really an intended celebration, but to have someone to be with on this day, regardless of the identity yet, is really something to be cherished. Well we met approximately 6 months back. That time I was going through some turmoil in life. But as time goes by, as wounds heal and eyes opened, I began to see new things from new perspectives. She was absolutely gorgeous on this day. As for the whole evening, there seemed to be an aura making her glow out in my sight.

Nothing serious has happened yet, but being around her, I feel the warm, comfortable sensation which I have not felt for a very very long time. Surprisingly, I couldn’t recall when was that last time I felt this way. I surely do hope she feels the same too when lots of things can be "grown" out of this. It just makes me wanna be a better person just when being around her (haha, bugs me why I feel that, but I still feel it’s not a bad thing!).

Dinner was fine, except for the fact that she was having gastric. Didn’t wanna over-react and go through the pressure thing, so I tried to draw her attention away from gastric pain to plain meaningless jokes. Really a bit amazed how meaningless I can be. After dinner, we actually went all the way to PJ just to have a look for ourselves the marriage proposal billboard ad, which she eventually wrote a blog post about it. The moment we passed by the ad, for that moment I thought I saw her heart melt a bit, with eyes twinkling.

For the commoners out there, this evening might seem usual, casual, and maybe a bit boring too. But to me, every second was like sun bathing by the coast of Oaxaca in Mexico, like running through the cool breeze blowing across the flower fields of Holland. I’m beginning to blabber, and it could go on and on.

I need all the luck I can get, so for every person who will be reading this, wish me luck and I’ll have enough of it to build the courage and overcome any obstacles. And then maybe I could be her Pooh :D.