从前和现在，什么时候开心点？如果可以把开心、幸福给个数量值，也许我可以回答这个问题。我的人就是这样，无法相信无法数量化的感觉。我不是没有直觉的人，只是我宁愿相信数据多过相信虚无缥缈的心。所以很多时候，都会做了一些自己都不想做的事。

最近心里面一直浮现一种感觉。心，一再告诉我，从前比现在开心，还是开心很多的那个。我没有办法理解，也没有办法解释，更无法释怀。这几天一直处于一个自我矛盾、自我迷失的状态中，好像一切都不在自己的掌握中，任人宰割的感觉。很讨厌这样的感觉。有谁可以陪我伤心吗？

I know this is an old song released in 1997. That was 11 years ago. Yeah, I’m the invisible man.

You can hardly wait to tell all your friends
How his kisses taste sweet like wine
And how he always makes your heart skip a beat
Everytime he walks by

And if you’re feeling down
He’ll pick you up
He’ll hold you close when you’re making love
He’s everything you been dreaming of, oh baby

I wish you’d look at me that way
Your beautiful eyes looking deep into mine
Telling me more than any words could say
But you don’t even know I’m alive
Baby, to you all I am is the invisible man
Oh, you don’t see me baby

You probably spend hours on the phone
Talking ’bout nothing at all
It doesn’t matter what the conversation
Just as long as he calls

Lost in a love so real, and so sincere
And you’ll wipe away other’s tears
Your face lights up whenever he appears

I wish you’d look at me that way
Your beautiful eyes looking deep into mine
Telling me more than any words could say
But you don’t even know I’m alive
Baby, to you all I am is the invisible man
Oh, you don’t see me baby

I see you all the time baby
Huh, the way you look at him
I wish it was me, sweetheart
Boy, I wish it was me
But I guess…

I wish you’d look at me that way
Your beautiful eyes looking deep into mine
Telling me more than any words could say
But you don’t even know I’m alive
Baby, to you all I am is the invisible man
Oh, you don’t see me baby

I wish you’d look at me that way
Your beautiful eyes looking deep into mine
Telling me more than any words could say
But you don’t even know I’m alive
Baby, to you all I am is the invisible man
Oh, you don’t see me baby

Oh, oh, oh, oh baby
The invisible man
You don’t see me girl
But I love you
Yes, I love you
The invisible man
Oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah
The invisible man
Baby, baby, baby, yeah
The invisible man

For every song, there’s a memory; for every word, there’s an emotion.

I don’t know about other people, but for me I like to express myself with songs. And I tend to notice each word of the lyrics. And I like those which can totally accurately describe what I actually felt at that time. I have an awful lot of sad songs in my compilations, I found out.

Some things are bothering me lately, and I can’t actually find the best song that describes this. That disturbs me. I want but I don’t know how to want; I felt but I don’t know how to tell. This makes me want to write a song for myself. Too bad I’m not really the kinda guy who is talented enough to write a song and put it into rhythms and lyrics.

I need an Answer, but I don’t know what’s the question. I want All Or Nothing At All, but I’m afraid of not getting any at all. Nobody Knows what’s happening inside me. I’m Chasing, but I guess I’m just Chasing my own tail. I guess, I’m Disqualified, not even capable of writing myself a Love Song. Suddenly felt like maybe I Don’t Deserve It because I think I have to Let you Do What You Have To Do. I try to Save Up Love everyday, but I just don’t have anywhere to spend it anyway. For every little thing, I find the Excuse to think of you. Maybe I’m just an Onion to you, trivial and unimportant, yet essential in delicacies that you eat once in a while. I just wish things will get Better In Time while I’m Bleeding Love here, in a denial stage, unable to face the fact of Happily Never After. There are Actually A Lot of Things I Want To Say To You, it’s just that it’s not time yet, and I’m not in a position to say yet. God I wish an Angel would help me out, but you seem to be the One And Only In This World that I find to be one. I just Realize that I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing in your life, but you are not letting me into it, and I don’t know what you want me to do or to be. I’m at the Cliff of Love right now, hesitating whether I should just close my eyes and jump. I’m just like a ship which Ran Ashore and can’t do anything about the situation. And then I sudddenly Realize I realized nothing at all. I hope, I can see my Rainbow again some day and that, I won’t be The Invisible Man anymore.

What I wrote, is just a fraction of all that’s happening in my mind. And in the end, everything comes back to just one thing in my mind: You.

在有四季的温带、寒带国家，冬天时的阳光，虽然有照亮的作用，却起不了温暖的功效。阳光普照的画面比比皆是，然而却全是假象，是完全没有温暖可言的，天气和周遭依然极度寒冷。自己表面上阳光普照，心里面却是完全骗不了自己的。也因为这样，心里的寒冷，更变得苦不堪言。

怎样去形容这种感觉，并不重要，因为这种感觉是见仁见智的，并没有标准可言。一言概括，就是表面一切美好的都是假象，只能骗得了人，骗不了自己。

当我的阳光失去了温暖的时候，我只能独自上路去面对，没有人明白。真的找不到可以明白的人。真的好喜欢这句“孤单是一个人的狂欢 狂欢是一群人的孤单”，是叶子的，是阿桑的，一部分，也是我的。

吸烟，其实不只吸烟那么简单。以前在还未尝试过时，总想“有问题，吸烟就能解决问题吗？”。直到自己试过了、知道了，才体会固中原因为什么面对困扰时人们会吞云吐雾。

无可否认，身体机能会随着吸烟而下降，也会因此染上烟瘾。但是对我来说，吸烟有如一种精神上的解放、一种解放的习惯。人们总是习惯将某某动作（例如吸烟）与某特定情绪与感觉潜意识地联系起来。这种精神上的习惯进而以行动上的行为体现出来，根本就是一种人性的表现而已，本身没有好坏之分，只是所选择的表现行为，是否为社会公认的评定标准所接受。

也许有些人会认为，这只是吸烟者为自己找到最合理的吸烟的理由。我也只能一笑置之。生命苦短啊！我们都生活在一个极度压抑、极度冷漠、颓废的世界，乐观点看事情，适度地解放自己实在非常地困难。我只能说，我不是烟瘾者。